The "Calm" Before The Storm

So yesterday after work I decided to get a massage (I know this makes my back worse per my previous post but I couldn't resist). I have been very stressed and in need of some relaxation plus I had a referral coupon for $10 off!!

So Julie, Kellie and Mom already know about my shall we say "interesting" experience so now I must share with others. I had a new massage therapist last night whose name shall remain anonymous wait no lets call her Betty. So we have our little consultation beforehand and Betty says and I quote "Now are you looking forward to a full body massage?" I sometimes have a perverted sense of humor (okay I always do) but I'm kind of stunned.....what is she about to do to me?? So I say yes assuming its just like normal most therapists ask if you have any parts of your body you wouldn't like massaged but to Betty I guess nothing is off limits as you will find out shortly. So I tell her about my herniated disc and how I would like her to focus on my lower back and just above my buttocks (trying to be professional) she says no problem. So the massage begins and she starts on my BUTT!!!!!! Okay sometimes they will massage on the outside of the blanket or just the top but no this chick pulls my underwear half way down my butt and proceeds to massage my butt and my wait for it.....butt crack!!!! Are you freakin kidding me? Now I have had a few massages in my day by a few different people and not a one of them has ever massaged my butt crack!!!! So I don't say anything I think hopefully this part won't last long but I kid you not it was at least 5 mins on each cheek (out of an hour). So she asks me about the pressure I say it could probably be harder where my back hurts she says what do you do for a living I tell her I'm an adjuster/auditor and I sit at a desk all day she says "Yeah it has really messed up your back you have a lot of stress" I say "I know" and that is it because when you are getting a massage you want to relax not talk. So she moves up to my shoulder blades/neck area and she begins to massage me like I'm a 350 pound linebacker!!! I was waiting for her to get up on the table with me and walk on my back!!! I said "Betty, less pressure please" then 5 mins later it is still bad again more sternly "Betty please less pressure it is hurting" finally she gets it and we're off. Well anyway the rest of the massage is pretty uneventful considering the beginning most of it was enjoyable. So the massage is over and I go out to leave and I tell Betty bye she says "Okay I"m just going to write some stuff down" now remember I have been to this particular spa quite a few times and never have I had to wait for anyone to "write something down". I am really in a hurry at this point because I'm meeting Julie for dinner. So I wait patiently while Betty writes some stuff very slowly and she is shaking her head I make the mistake of saying "What?" and then Betty replies "You are really bad". That was it just that I am really bad are you kidding me? I know I have a lot of knots in my back/neck from sitting at a computer all day and the stress I have had lately but she acted like she had never seen anything like it. So anyway she reviews the paper with me I kindly thank her and rush out the door.

I jump in the car and am off to meet Julie at the bestest Mexican place ever....POBLANO!!! Yes Julie and I love this place it is so good their salsa is the best (in my humble opinion). Anyway I get in there and proceed to tell her my Betty story and I have her rolling (I love to make her laugh). We had a great dinner and we were inside for about an hour came out and the wind had picked up, it had cooled off about 20 degrees and it was sprinkling. A couple of pics below of what a great time we were having. I LOVE YOU J!

P.S. My sister says I look high or drunk (don't remember which) in my pic but I wasn't I had nothing to drink but if you've ever had a massage it almost gives you a drunk feeling so maybe that was the cause.